Holiday Diary From Massachusetts To Florida!

HOLIDAY DIARY!

Disclaimer: This was not written by me. It was a email I’d gotten forwarded to me a number of years ago at Christmas time. I cannot and do not take credit for it.

DEAR DIARY:

AUGUST 1

Moved to our new home in Massachusetts! It’s so beautiful here! The city is just so picturesque Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!!

OCTOBER 1

New England is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of Red and Orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer! They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise! I LOVE IT HERE!!

NOVEMBER 11

Deer season will open soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant and beautiful creature. Why they are the very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon! I LOVE IT HERE!!

DECEMBER 2

It snowed last night! Woke up to everything blanketed in white! It looked like a postcard! Went outside to clean snow off the steps and shovel the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won)! When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again GOSH!

DECEMBER 12

More snow last night. I love it! The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal)! A winter wonderland! I LOVE IT HERE!

DECEMBER 19

Snowed again last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. Damn snowplow!

DECEMBER 22

More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow waits around the corner until I’m done shoveling. That asshole!

DECEMBER 25

“White Christmas” my frigging ass! More fucking snow! If I ever get my hands on the guy that drives the snow plow I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more fucking salt on this ice.

DECEMBER 28

More of the same shit last night! Been inside since Christmas day except for when “Snow Plow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. So you know how many shovels full 10 inches is? My back aches.

JANUARY 1

Happy Fucking New Year! The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN)! We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won’t melt til the friggin 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck down the road and “shit for brains” had the balls to come to my door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already shoveling the shit he dumped back in my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his head!

JANUARY 4

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in the front of the car and I hit the motherfucker! Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car! Wish the hunters would have killed all the sonsabitches last November.

MAY 3

Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe that the body is rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the roads? It really looks like a piece of shit.

MAY 10

Moved to Florida today. I JUST LOVE IT HERE! I can’t imagine why anyone in their right fucking mind would want to live in the godforsaken Commonwealth of Massachusetts!!!!

FUCK THE SNOW!!

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